My Hearts Desire..

         I grew up in an ordinary family, living an ordinary life.My father and mother are good and very responsible parents. Even if we lack a lot of things in life, they made sure that we have the basic necessities in life including education.

          I know that my parents love us however, they were not that affectionate. They were not good in expressing their feelings. Maybe that is the reason kaya naman I always wanted someone na magpaparamdam sakin ng pagmamahal. Not just love, ung taong magmamahal sakin at magpapakita sakin na mahal nya ako ng sobra sobra. I'm craving for that kind of love for I have never felt it in my own family.

             I thought mahahanap ko sya sa ibang tao, but I was wrong. My first relationship was not that good. My ex told me that he has a girlfriend and the reason kaya di nya mahiwalayan is because of their families. He also told me that time that he really loves me and ask for a chance so he could make things right. Things became complicated so I decided to end our relationship.

I Just thought It was..

        Kung iisipin mo nga naman, I was really   responsible for their breakup. Because if its not with me di naman sila magaaway, di naman mararamdaman ni Raymond na he has a feelings for me. I predicted that this will happened  but I allowed it all. I fall in love with him even though I shouldn't. I just can't really help it. Kaya nga the best that I did was not to act against my feelings for him. The moment they broke up, I was really guilty because if it's not with me they will not end up to that sort of things. lalo na when I learned that rhodge beat him, well hinayaan nyang bugbugin sya.  Wala naman akong ibang hinahangad nang mag break  na sila. I'm just happy for him kasi finally he did what he really wanted to do. Di ko naman inisip na magiging kami kasi yun nga mismo ung dahilan kung bakit sila nagbreak diba. All I wanted is for him to moved on, for him to be happy with his life as I live my own life din naman.

         But when Raymond told me that he and Rhodge got a pact to stick again together even until they graduate. Kagaya ng napagkasunduan nila noon na kapag nakagraduate na sila, maghihiwalay na sila ng landas.  I really got annoyed. Ang dahilan kasi sinabi ni Rhodge. Kasi naawa daw sya? Naiinis talaga ako kasi wala syang sariling pagiisip, walang sariling paninindigan.Matagal na nyang hinihingi kay Rhodge ang freedom and now that finally nagkalakas na sya ng loob na panindigan ang breakup nila wala din naman pala kasi ang masusunod na naman is si Rhodge. He told me na wala na syang nararamdaman para kay Rhodge,noon pa. Whats the use of rekindling the relationship if the fire has been used up a long time ago, over and over again. Ewan ko nga ba sa kanya kung pano nya natatagalan ang sama ng ugali ng Rhodge na yun. Kaya ata napakahigpit ng kapit nun eh alam nyang wala ng ibang magtatagal sa kanya.
      On a more serious note, I had to admit na I was a bit frustrated by the fact that the two were again together. Even if things were already different this time, still you can call it relationship. Kahit pa alam ni Rhodge na Raymond's feelings has been gone,the fact that Raymond had gave in to Rhodge's request makes my heart aches.  I had to admit na inisip ko na kapag okey na ang lahat. Kapag ang pait at sakit na naidulot ng lahat na nangyari ay naghilom na, when all the pains are gone,  Siguro, if  the feelings will still be there we could consider each other. sa mga susunod na taon kung hindi man sa nalalapit na panahon,If our path's will cross again, I really wanted him to be a part of my life. Until this very moment I really love him pero I just realized that I have to stop now. After what just happened madami akong narealize between each other and siguro di talaga kami pwede. I'l just move on with my own life as if all is just the same before them coming into my life.